To Have Everything Lost...
by Brynnmissy
Summary: A story of solitude, depression, and anger
1. The Beginning

To Have Everything Lost...  
by Brynnmissy  
byrnnmissy@yahoo.com  
  
  
Gargoyles belongs to Disney/Buena Vista. Gargoyles and Gargoyles: The Goliath Chronicles are the property of Disney/Buena Vista. No infringements of these copyrights is intended, and are used here without permission.  
  
Author's Note: This story is about anger, depression, and solitude. "In the Gargoyles world, it happens to Elisa. In ours, it happens to me."  
  
Please read and review, thanks. :)  
  
  
  
  
Never in her life had Elisa Maza ever felt so lost. Her life had now lost meaning, in more ways than one. She had lost her best friends to her enemy. No longer was she the benefactor in their lives. Now, she was just a friend. For the time that the Clan was in the clocktower, she felt like she had a sanctuary. It was a place that was her little secret, just like little kid.   
  
Now, that little secret was let out. The entire city has now seen footage of her friends, so now they have to hide in the castle in the clouds. No longer could she just take a coffee break and visit Goliath for a few minutes. Now she had to drive across Manhattan to see her...  
  
What is her relation to Goliath now? Obviously, she showed him how she felt. He responded in his way as well. Now was she going to court him? Date a gargoyle?  
  
  
  
Almost screaming out in frustration, Elisa laid down on her couch, where she had been sitting for the last hour or so, running thoughts through her head. She closed her eyes and tried in vain to sleep. Finally, the weary woman fell into a fitful sleep. Images surfaced in her dreams. Goliath and the Clan, Matt and her job, the castle, her apartment... Finally, a image appeared, and that image struck Elisa so hard that she actually awoke. All she saw was herself. In her now disoriented mind, Elisa thought to herself, "That is what I can make sense of. I can control my body, and that is all I can control."  
  
  
This is how Elisa Maza found control, and now she was going to take advantage of it.  
  
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Several weeks later...  
  
"Come on, Elisa. You haven't had anything at all during shift! You've gotta be hungry!" Matt Bluestone was begging his partner to go and get something to eat. For the last couple of weeks it seemed, she ate less and less. At first, Matt thought it was just because they hadn't really had the time. Chavez has really been piling the cases on the pair for the last week and a half or so, therefore, any extra time Elisa had, she had spent with they guys at the castle. She really had no time to eat anything, and it was beginning to show.   
Her eyes had taken on an exhausted look, but her body didn't. In fact, her breaks were spent down in the precinct gym, running, lifting weights, or sparring with someone. When questioned as to why she spent so much time down there, Elisa's reply was, "I just need to get in better shape, that's all."  
  
In Matt's eyes, that was the last thing she needed. Elisa had lost a lot of weight in the last little while, if that was even possible. She had always been on the slim side, now it was straight out bean pole. So again, he asked her, "Please, come with your partner to get something?"  
  
  
Elisa just looked at her partner, once again willing herself not to go.   
  
"No, I'm actually going to head out to see the guys right now. I'll probably grab something on the way there."  
  
It was a flat out lie, and both knew it. Matt just shrugged his shoulders, knowing that she wasn't going to go with him. He grabbed his keys and called over his shoulder as he left, "Okay then. Have a nice night."  
  
  
Elisa stared at her partners retreating form, one side of her wanting to catch up with him and actually eat something. But her other side wouldn't let her.   
'No, you can't let yourself be weak.'  
So, sighing to herself, she shut down her computer and locked her desk, and walked out to her car. Elisa drove her car through the streets of New York, subconsciously headed towards the Erie Building, home of the richest man, and the home of seven ancient gargoyles. As she pulled into the parking structure, she prayed that tonight's visit would be better than the last. 


	2. The Breaking Point

Castle Wyvern was a noisy place that night. Broadway and Angela were having some sort of fight in the kitchen, Brooklyn and Lexington were fighting over a new video game, and Hudson was complaining about the t.v. being used by Brooklyn and Lex. Amid all of the noise, Goliath was trying to read a book and was unsuccessful. Finally, he made his way up to the parapet, hoping to get a little peace.   
  
With the wind blowing in his face, Goliath's mind was drawn elsewhere, rather than to his novel. His mind floated to thoughts of Elisa. As of late, she had been acting strange towards him and the clan. She was irritable, snappy, and always seemed tired, regardless of how much sleep she'd had. Elisa was always on edge, she never seemed to be relaxed. She had also gotten very defensive, especially about her health. When confronted about it, Elisa would get angry and practically shout that there was nothing wrong, then stalk off. Even Matt had come to Goliath, concerned about Elisa's health. As did Xanatos, Fox, Owen...  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Goliath turned to find Elisa herself standing there. His face broke out into a smile as he moved to embrace her. As he held her close, Goliath could almost feel each individual bone beneath her flesh. Pulling back, Goliath stared into her face, as if trying to find something, some hint of how she was feeling. He got none. Her stare was empty, as if the life in her has just disappeared.  
  
"Are you well this evening?" It was a question with many meanings. How did she feel? Was anything troubling her? What was troubling her?...  
  
"I'm fine." The response was even and cold, as if Elisa was angry at something.  
  
"Are you really?" Goliath knew he shouldn't have asked this as soon as he said it. Elisa's eyes light up with fury once again, just as they had done the night of her last visit. He could tell it was going to be another short visit.   
  
"Do you think I'm lying? Do you not trust me?" Elisa's voice was icy and deadly, but her eyes were still filled with fury. "You ask me the same thing every night, and every night I give you the same answer. I am just fine. Since that's all you ever seem to care about, I'll go home then."   
  
Elisa spun on her heel and walked towards the stairs.Goliath watched her go, and continued to watch her as she went across the courtyard.   
'Why does she always do this? Can't she see that I care for her?'  
  
Goliath jumped from the parapet and landed just in front of Elisa, eyes blazing.  
  
"There is something wrong with you! Why can't you just tell me! I care for you, the whole clan does! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"  
  
Elisa was shocked at Goliath's outburst. Trying to regain her speech, she stared back at him. If she had been gargoyle, her eyes would definitely be a deep crimson.  
  
"I'm not going to say it again! You already know my answer, so why should I waste my breath to say it again! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!"   
  
Elisa's voice could be heard throughout the castle, and the energy spent had cost her greatly. Now she stood, out of breath, but still full of rage, and glaring at Goliath. Goliath returned his own stare, eyes blazing white. Determined to still get out of there, Elisa bolted past Goliath, too fast for him to react. She was sprinting down the corridors, with Goliath hot on her heels. In her state though, Elisa couldn't keep up her pace. In fact, she couldn't keep going at all. Rather than slowing down at all, she just collapsed, crashing her head on the stone floor.  
  
Goliath stopped inches away from her fallen body, not expecting her to fall and had to stop almost instantly. As gently as he could, he rolled Elisa's face towards him, gently calling to her. His rage was now gone, only to be replaced with a sickening feeling. Her face now sported a gash along her eye to her cheek, her blood gushing from the wound. Her colour was sickeningly pale, and her breathing only came in short rasps.   
  
Doing the first thing that came to mind, Goliath screamed for Owen, and raced towards the infirmary with his unconscious cargo. 


	3. Your Never ALone

Goliath, gently picking up his fallen friend, bellowed for Owen. Elisa didn't even stir when he picked her up, she was completely unconscious. Almost as soon as Goliath called for him, Owen showed up in the corridor.. Taking one glance at Elisa's form, he ordered Goliath to follow him to the infirmary. Once there, doctors and nurses took over, taking Elisa and laying her on a bed. They began testing, and had the staff hook Elisa up to IV's. Owen motioned for Goliath to follow him into the next room to explain.  
  
"The Detective is suffering from a disease called anorexia. It is both psychological and physical. For weeks it seems, Elisa has been depriving her body of almost all food, leading to her present physical state. Her collapse was caused by the fact that she really has no energy left in her body at all. In a way, it's a good thing that it happened when it did. Any longer with her so called "diet" she could have died."  
  
Goliath took the explanation in, not fully comprehending it all. "I thought you said it also effected her mind?"  
  
"Yes, I did. Elisa took on a mental state that wouldn't allow herself to eat. Obviously, we don't know what exactly triggered it. It could be anything really, only she can tell us, if she chooses too. The other effect is that she doesn't think she has a problem at all. She will deny everything until we can convince her otherwise. Only someone she trusts completely can get her to recover completely.You, Goliath, could really be her only chance at surviving."  
  
Owen's final statements were a massive blow to Goliath. His Elisa? Dead? Why? Why would she do such a thing to herself? Seeing that Goliath was trying to process it all, Owen excused himself back into the exam room. Returning in a matter of minutes, Owen informed Goliath that Elisa was now conscious and that he could go in.   
Entering the room, his eyes beheld Elisa, looking as though she could die at any instant. Approaching slowly, Goliath took a seat next to her bedside. Elisa finally turned her eyes toward him, full of anger  
  
"Why am I here? What happened, and why are you looking at me like that? Nothing is wrong, I'm fine!"  
  
Elisa tried to sit up and get out of bed. Goliath, eyes white, pushed her back down.  
  
"Elisa! What is wrong with you? For weeks now, you've acted strangely, but now it's enough. There is definitely something wrong with you! Look at yourself!"  
  
Goliath turned and ripped a small mirror off of the wall and shoved it into her face. Elisa shut turned her head, adamantly refusing anything was wrong. Still full of rage, he roared at her again.  
  
"LOOK!"  
  
Finally, Elisa slowly turned her head at looked at her reflection. Shaking hands reached up to touch her sick-looking face, as if seeing herself for the first time. Her sunken eyes stared back at her, and scanned the rest of her face. Her lips were thin and colorless, her cheeks gaunt and hollow. The once long and luxurious hair that hung from her head now looked thin, limp, and dull. Elisa closed her eyes, not wanting to see what she really had done to herself. Her control-freak attitude had nearly destroyed her, and only now was she seeing it. She covered her face with her hands and slowly began to sob.  
  
Goliath now felt like a heartless beast. He had made his best friend in the whole world cry. He reached over and took her in his massive arms, feeling how rail-thin she really was. Elisa's sobs grew, wracking her whole body so hard that Goliath actually thought she might break. He softly stroked her hair, hoping to soothe her in any way.  
  
Finally, Elisa's sobs stopped, and she looked up to him with red, swollen eyes.  
  
"Goliath, I'm so sorry."  
  
Goliath once again embraced her, softly speaking into her hair.  
  
"Elisa, I do not know what caused this whole thing, nor do I need to know right now. The only thing I'm concerned about is you. You are priceless to this clan, to me. I need you, just as much as you need us right now. Your recovery will not be an easy one, but I will always be there for you from now on. I will never leave you to deal with your problems alone again."  
  
Once again, Elisa pulled back and stared into his eyes.  
  
"You promise?" she whispered.  
  
"I promise."  
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This story was based on an actual event. Please spread the message  
about anorexia and what it really does to a person. Please feel  
free to send comments to brynnmissy@yahoo.com 


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